Flyin' around

I'm on the plane right now, flying from Chicago to Seattle. It's Alaska Airlines, a decent alternative to American or United, both of which I hate with a passion. At least with Alaska, if you choose to buy a meal, it's warm and looks like real food. Last time I flew one of the other airlines you could purchase a box of packaged snacks, like Oreo's and chips. No thanks.

Honestly, flying has gone to hell. Recently, I went to the Boeing Museum and saw what planes looked like 50 years ago: they had enough leg room for an NBA player and the seats were wider than a Laz Boy. I think the next step will be to now allow carry-ons and sell the over-head compartment space to Japanese travelers. And shut up about stereotypes and all that. I saw a picture of a train where people slept in holes in the wall, exactly like in Fifth Element, and it happened to be in Japan.

I'm sitting next to a cool, or possibly gay, guy. He's wearing a very nice suit-looking outfit. He's got a hat. A hat, not a cap. Remember hats? Gangsters from the 30's used to wear them. The guy has two rings, a bracelet, earrings, designer glasses, a sleek phone, an Ipod in a leather case and a copy of The New Yorker magazine and National Geographic. Oh, and one of those stylish unshaven looks that appear on people who appear in People. And here I am, blogging on my Treo and wearing a "Keep out of direct sunlight" shirt. Isn't there a law that uncool goobers must stay a certain distance away from cool people?

Taty managed to send me a message just before I had to turn off my phone: "Scream BOMB for poops and giggles". I gotta agree, that would be funny. Being arrested, charged with aiding and abetting Al Queda, spending time in prison, possibly losing my job and needing to declare bankruptcy by my next birthday, however, isn't fun.

Speaking of cell phones, why exactly is it necessary to turn them off? Ever hear of a rogue cell phone bringing down a plane? I had my phone on for half of a 4-hour flight once, by accident, and nothing happened. The engines didn't fall off. Bright red lights and a booming god-like voice didn't say "that Russian by the window is endangering the plane".

Hmm, all this brought me back to ponder about everyday things that can be harmful on a plane. And that thinking brought me back to "Snakes on a Plane". If the bad guy has resources to put hundreds of pounds of different, wildly-varied snakes on a commercial flight, why not just scrap the Bond-esque plan and sneak on a bomb? So much more effective.

I think that people are uncomfortable with ooh-we're-on-a-plane-and-I-have-a-bomb jokes because plane crashes and explosions aren't that common. If they were an everyday thing and our society learned to distance itself from that death like we've done for everything from suicide to cancer, you could make jokes about explosions an d crashes on an airplane or in an airport. We wouldn't have to use substitute words: while traveling, I use "shampoo" instead of "bomb". Never mind the reason for why I need to talk about explosives in these situations.

Sorry that this is such a random thing, I just typed whatever came to me when I woke up. I actually got a bit of sleep on this flight. Must have to do with no one sitting between me and the cool guy, so I'm actually fairly comfy.