Jokes

I've read so many jokes, most of them stopped being funny. Tell me a joke and I've probably heard it, and if I haven't, I'm usually the welcoming committee waiting for you to get to the punch line. That's why I am now moving away from "standard" jokes into the uncharted territory of anti humor, corny jokes and meta humor.

Meta Humor

Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? Well, it's very nice.

Corny Jokes

Q. Why can't you have soup in The Matrix?
A. Because there is no spoon.

Anti Humor

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?
A: The Holocaust.

Of course these jokes can certainly be tasteless and offensive, but that's probably half the fun.

I just posted a curious meta joke on Taty's Facebook wall:

Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated PG-13.
Wait....
Damnit!

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Pat's a softie

Me: there's a mccormick and shmick's in phoenix and spoofee has a free $25 gift certificate. it's really nice for happy hour, you should check it out. http://www.spoofee.com/forums/showthread.php?p=271032
Pat: i hate seafood
Pat: i'm gonna find you a discount to a church gathering
Me: it's not all seafood for happy hour they have burger and fries for like 3 bucks
Me: you're a damn einstein, church is free
Pat: i meant like a potluck or turkey dinner, idiot
Pat: for easter!
Pat: usually pay like 5-10 bucks for those
Me: i'll bring laxative-laden brownies
Pat: ya...you dont want anybody else to be full of shit...it's a good plan!
Me: ooh, that's very poetically put
Pat: i have a poetic soul

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Silent Blog

Aside from the times when I was physically away from a computer during the summer, this is the longest lull in posts I've had on this blog. I'm sure no one actually cares, yet here I am.

Nothing exciting has been happening lately, nothing of interest to write about. Certainly I have some things on my mind that I want to ramble about, but I haven't found the time lately nor the desire. If it's a half-baked idea, I choose to wait; if it's more pointless than not, I reconsider it. This is a blog entry that should have fallen into one of those categories, yet if it's online...

Actually, the main reason that I haven't posted anything is that I'm swamped at work. Usually, and you can check the timecodes for this, I post while at work. Recently, I just haven't had the time. We're coming up on an important milestone, a point where we should have no bugs, period. My team has some 64 bugs, and I have about 30. Fully half of the bugs are on my plate. Nevermind the fact that most of them are idiotic bugs that are one-line fixes. Our tester went off the deep end and seems to be calling anything and everything a bug. Of course, that's her job, but it frustrates me. It's scaling a large staircase and seeing the whole thing in front of you, knowing that you still have miles to go. I'd rather fix a batch today, bring the count to zero then start on the next 5 tomorrow. Oh well.

My dad isn't very happy that I am working such long hours: 9am-8pm weekdays, 6-8 hours weekends. He says that if a person is doing so much overtime, there's something wrong, either with the project or with the developer. Personally, I know that I'm working more than 40 hours per week, but I don't feel like I'm working too much. I feel that I work the required amount, I am there long enough to finish my tasks on time. Of course one can make the argument that I'm overloaded with work, but I'm not going to be presenting that little gem to my manager: "Oh, hey, I know this is the very last part of the development cycle and everything had to be finished months ago, but this feature has to be cut. Yeah, go figure, I started working on it just a few months ago, picking up from the code that a summer intern created, while the rest of the product has been in development for over 18 months. And, somehow, with only me on the project, it's going slow. Imagine."

So I decided to ask Chuck about overtime at M$. He's worked here for 6 years and probably knows the company culture inside and out. At lunch I phrased my question like this: "At Microsoft is there a certain stigmata associated with overtime?" Yeah, that got me some looks. I meant to say "stigma". Look it up.

Then, as if this wasn't enough, I proceeded to act out the odd situation:
"You're going to work overtime!" [Hits metal spike with a hammer]

Seems like this turned into a job-related rant. Well, so be it.

I'm not unhappy at work. I enjoy what I do. I just dislike the pressure that I'm under sometimes, like now, and the testers. Testers make me think of my happy place, San Andreas. Though I'm getting used to my tester's e-mails. She uses the phrase "not acceptable" a lot. Somehow, for whatever reason, that strikes me as particularly harsh, and when talking about something I'm doing or proposing to do, you might as well call me an idiot and tell me to go home. I mean, I would feel the same way. But, apparently that's just the way she talks, so I try not to think about it too much.

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Home Alone 2 - Redux

Over winter vacation I had a chance to catch a few hundred showings of "Home Alone 2", the one where he's lost in New York. Seems they like to show Christmas-themed movies around Christmas time. Go figure.

Anyhow, watching the movie I found myself thinking "this isn't very realistic, now is it?" So, I sat down at my trusty typewriter and rewrote the screenplay a bit.

My story progresses much like the movie for the first half, where Kevin gets lost and dupes an entire hotel to accept a stolen credit card. Much dumber things have happened in real life, so this isn't an exaggeration. Moving on.

The biggest changes occur when Kevin starts throwing bricks off the roof of three-story building and hits Marv multiple times in the head. The first hit causes Marv to temporarily loose consciousness, while the second one breaks a portion of the skull and splits his head open on one side, causing Marv to hemorrhage on the street. He is pronounced as DOA (dead on arrival) by the time the paramedics arrive. Harry is devastated by his friend's death, which he only accepts after the paramedics manage to remove him from Marv's body. Harry then proceeds to shoot both paramedics and takes his own life. Kevin, observing the events unfold from the roof, finally recognizes the devastating effect his actions have on others and attempts to commit suicide by throwing himself off the roof. He is caught at the last moment by a police officer.

Fast forwarding to next year, close to Christmas time, the story picks up at Kevin's sentencing. He is being charged with manslaughter, cruel and unusual punishment and vandalism (for breaking the window of a toy store) and is sentenced to 8 years in prison. Peter and Buzz McCallister, father and brother of Kevin, respectively, get arrested while attempting to break their son out of jail. Katharine McCallister suffers a breakdown and ends up in a catatonic state. In prison, Kevin, Peter and Buzz learn that their home is being repossessed and Katharine is sent to a mental facility upstate. Later that day, Buzz attacks and brutally beats his brother in the showers, screaming that it is Kevin's fault that the family has fallen apart. In the last shot, a bloodied Kevin whispers "Merry Christmas, Buzz" and the screen fades to black. A final punch is heard as the credits roll and it is unclear whether Kevin lives or dies.

Curiously enough, the story managed to keep the Christmas spirit of the original film, as well as a PG rating.

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Hi Spot Cafe

With my new Palm gadget, the GPS whatsit, I'm beginning to discover new places around the Seattle/Bellevue/Redmond area. The process is simple: find a place to go, either online or not, type it into my Treo, drive there with the help of GPS and enjoy the ride. It's working great. Last weekend I went to O'Asian Kitchen for a very nice dim sum breakfast, and today I found my way to Hi Spot Cafe in Madrona.

Hi Spot is a little cafe offering the standard American-style breakfast: omelets, pancakes, toast, all the usual stuff. A while back I tried Brown Bag Cafe in Redmond and another place that I forget, and both times was surprised by the sheer amount of food I was served: too damn much! I'm not saying that Hi Spot serves small dishes or rips you off, but the salmon omelet was delicious, the potatoes weren't hash browns and the toast finished the meal off very nicely, all while not stuffing you stupid. The service isn't bad and that was a really good cup of mocha. Overall, I'm happy. Add to that the fact that Hi Spot is about 14 miles above sea-level in a classical quaint-slice-of-Americana neighborhood and it's just perfect. I hung around for about an hour and a half, walking around, admiring the houses and wondering why so many people have dogs around here. I even saw a cute pug puppy. Awww! Oh, and just as a kicker, the GPS took me through the arboretum, so I got an eye-full of moss-laden forest and bikers on the way to breakfast. Who could ask for more? Well, I suppose if Sherlock was here...

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Hi Spot in Madrona

Hi Spot in Madrona, originally uploaded by FuzzyGamer.

View from the neighborhood around the Hi Spot Cafe in the Madrona neighborhood of Seattle

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High-point of my day

This is a short quote that needs a few explanations and mentions and doesn't really amount to much in the end. Enjoy.

Prashant is a temporary Dev-Lead on my team, while Tad is on paternity leave.
A bug I am working on right now has been pushed into the next milestone, which is not something you want to do, and certainly not something that you want to have caused.
I am wearing sandals, not my regular shoes, because it's 7pm and I always wear my sandals after going to the pool. They're comfier.

Prashant: You look jobless.
Me: Do you know something I don't?

So, I'm not sure what Prashant is referring to, specifically. Could be both that I messed up and that I look like a bum.

There, that post was hardly worth the electrons used to transmit it.

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Minor note

My university hosting has expired, so as a result some features of the blog might be MIA for the moment. This includes applets, some images, etc.

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I reject God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Santa and the Easter Bunny

This is probably an old story, but there's a curious movement online called The Blasphemy Challenge: make a video of yourself saying that you reject the Holy Spirit, post it on YouTube and they'll send you a free DVD "The God Who Wasn't There" (actually, they send those to the first 1001 posters, and that limit has been reached already, sorry). See, the Bible says that of all the bad things people have ever done, the worst one is rejecting the Holy Spirit. It's so bad, in fact, that it's the only sin for which you are forever destined to hell, with no possibility of parole. Apparently, in their belief, you can commit any other sin and as long as you jump through the right hoops you can make it into heaven. But not for saying a couple simple words about some ghost dude. OK.

Here's the video that explains this in greater detail..



I don't have a camera or a microphone so I'm destined to say it out loud to my computer and write it on this blog. Hope that's loud enough to get the DVD. Well, maybe not. But it sure is loud enough for most Christians to say that I'm gonna burn for all eternity. And you know what, I don't really care. I reject Jesus. And Santa. And Zeus. And Brahman. And Allah. And anything else you care to throw my way. Go ahead, imagine this is a batting cage, come up with a non-factual concept pulled out of your ass and toss it this way and I'll reject it.

Incidentally, the atheism that Ryan "Sapient" (the atheist from the video) presents is not exactly what I believe, so don't assume that I agree with him 100%. True, we think the same thing about God and the imaginary trio, but Ryan is very much opposed to religion while I have a bit more relaxed outlook on the whole thing: believe in what you wish. If you wish to believe in Santa, go for it. If you wish to believe that a carpenter awaits you in the clouds after you die, go ahead, I don't mind. If you can find meaning and happiness in an idiotic concept, all the better. However, as soon as your own personal religion starts being a problem, it is out the window. Religion is an appendix: it was useful at some point, but not anymore. At its best religion is a triviality and a source of happiness. At its worst it is a ticking time-bomb with enough boom to destroy humanity.

This is, not surprisingly, my approach to traditions. If it makes you happy to send red envelopes with an even amount of money to a relative, go nuts, but some part of the celebration probably has to be reconsidered, seeing as this is the largest human migration and creates quite a few problems. I say it's not surprising because, after all, isn't religion just one more tradition?

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O'Asian Kitchen in Seattle

Best dim sum experience I've had to date.

I went these this morning and was generally blown away. The service is great, friendly, un-biased (refer to my previous posts about being white and dining alone). The restaurant is nothing like a cafeteria or a get-em-in-get-em-out type place, it has a very professional environment and will probably look great at night. There is certainly more variety: three of the dishes I've never had, much less seen in other restaurants. Basically, the whole thing is unlike any other dim sum place I've been to.

CitySearch's entry for the restaurant suggests that O'Asian is expensive at night and I'm inclined to believe that, as much lunch was certainly more expensive than other times.

Check out the O'Asian website. There's a very nice photo gallery. While the photographs themselves are sometimes out of focus and otherwise imperfect, you can get a very good sense of the atmosphere.

There are also photos of a few dishes and there you can see something semi-unusual: this is the first time that I've ever seen strawberry dishes in an Asian restaurant. They had a shrimp dish with strawberries during dim sum, but I didn't get it. Next time.

Parking is in the garage of the building (this is not in China-town, the restaurant is in the Bank of America building) and parking is validated after 5:30pm and all weekend-long.

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