Dummies

Dummies
Originally uploaded by FuzzyGamer.

The "Dummies" table at Barnes & Noble

The Dummies books are an oddity. At first, it seems cute to see books titled "Gardening for Dummies", "Sewing for Dummies" and "Chess for Dummies". But after about the sixth Dummies book, it gets old and at time pathetic.
Look closely at the picture and you might see the following "...for Dummies" books: XBox 360, Poker, Bartending, Asthma, Sex. OK, what the hell is wrong with people. Yes, we got it, you love your precious little concept and think that every topic deserves a "Dummies" book. It doesn't. There's no reason in the world why I should be seeing "Asthma for Dummies". There aren't people going around "Hey, I think I'll get asthma. But I don't know where to start. Oh, look at that, a book just for me!" Don't you reply that patients or parents need this book. I certainly hope not. If you or someone you're taking care of has asthma, get a real book. For a different reason, there shouldn't be an XBox 360 book. I took a look at this thing, and at one point it explains how to view images on the XBox 360. If you need a book to figure that one, an adult should come over, take your 360 away from you, cover all the outlets within reach and hide the scissors, cause you're probably dumb enough to poke your eyes out.

On a separate note, people should only have as much technology as they use. I say that not as an anti-capitalist or a technophobe, but as a technology expert and manufacturer. It pains me to watch idiots spend thousands of dollars on state of the art machinery that can render Toy Story in real time and waste it by only using IE and Solitaire. Most people don't need a computer. They need a newspaper subscription, a typewriter and a pack of cards. And some need a subscription to People or Playboy, depending on the gender. That's it! I have an over-the-top machine, but there's a reason. Aside from compiling programs in seconds, I need it to beautifully render creepy dead girls stalking me from level to level (F.E.A.R., a seriously scary game that should be played at noon on really bright days).

Back to the rant already in process...
There should also not be a Dummies book on sex. This is for varying reasons. First, and this is in a completely random order, there are countries where people have never heard of "Dummies" books. Imagine a Japanese tourist walking into an American bookstore (hey, the odds are a hell of a lot better than the opposite scenario), and seeing this little gem: "Hey, these Americans are dumber than I thought." Second, if you're picking up this book in order to figure out what goes where (which actually does start up like that, covering the basics of the birds-and-bees), you should not be reproducing. Trust me, America has enough idiots, it doesn't need the mental giants you're likely to produce. Yes, I think people ought to be licensed to be parents. There's people out there too poor, too stupid, too violent, too irresponsible, too whatever to have kids. There are people who should not be having kids, and all of you know a few examples. Lets hope those people you're unlucky to know don't have kids yet and never will.

This post brought to you by a visit to BN and Gustav Holst's "Mars, The Bringer of War".